Never doubt God! Never!

I have to admit that I doubted God as my sovereign God these last few days.

It started with being all alone at home. Tania was in Mexico, extending her Visa, and everyone else was busy with final exam or having a holiday. As indifferent as I could be, I still was not an island. I needed somebody around me.

People say that in a Christmas season, the best thing to do is to be with your loved ones. I completely agree. I miss my family back home. The thought of not seeing them this Christmas, New Year 2012, and Chinese New Year next year kills me inside.

Yes, I am used to live abroad and not spending Christmas at home. Once, I even liked it - that year, I had to be busy with 'serving the Lord' in Christmas celebrations. But everything is different now. I feel like a grown up. And I don't want to miss sweet moments with my Pa and Ma even though we never had Christmas tree or Christmas lights.

Facing reality of not being able to go home, I started to think what Christmas is about, again. I pondered about it almost every year. Or every other year, Pastors would remind me or give me a newer definition of Christmas. I found myself feeling nothing about Christmas. In my head, I kept sounding, "No Christmas, no Jesus, and why am I here?".

It is crazy that thoughts can go from a polar to the opposite one without having to 'physically' go anywhere. One day, I could be so on fire for God, and the next, I could lose my faith - not exactly losing it, but not trusting that much.

I needed a haircut. My hair was a mess. I dyed it last year and curled it. The dye and the curl had gone and they left my hair destroyed and shapeless. But the problem is I don't know good salons in San Diego.

I had an acquaintance. She came to Flood College in the last few weeks. She was a hairdresser. I thought, I might need to call her and ask her to help me out with my hair. However, I was not that close to her. So, I said to God, if I could meet her tonight in the 8 p.m.'s service. I would definitely ask her.

So, I went to the 8 p.m. Christmas Concert at Flood (FYI, it was the best Christmas Concert I had -- click here to see the video recording). And out of the blue, I saw my friend there. And while I was looking for a seat, she happened to have an empty chairs beside her. I sat beside her through the service. What a coincidence.

I didn't realize that I doubted God. It was just an 'if' statements that I made inside my head. I felt, I was joking. But He didn't joke around. He revealed Himself to me, in the strangest way. How cool.

A present from God this Christmas (for me and maybe for you too): little more faith.

Yes, He is real!
xoxo

Learn a little

I always hoped that I could skip the little things and go for the jackpot.
I was wrong.
It is okay to learn a little. Mountains are made up of both big and small rocks.

Cheers

JOY

Be joyful despite of your feelings and circumstances. :)

Circle of Faith

Hi Folks,

I have missed you.

Some so-you-know information about me while I was gone.
- I finished my program in San Diego. Yay! I am fully on vacation right now.
- Yesterday, I had a sweet Thanksgiving day. Lovely housemate + TEMPE.
- This morning, on my way back home from Black Friday shopping, my car slipped (I drove too fast and the turn was too acute -- my bad) and went off-road (almost hit the turning sign). Thankfully, the car didn't tip. I should drive more carefully next time, I really should.

Anyway, right now I am trying to work on my final graduation project. It's a very long process -- meaning, I must not procrastinate any longer.

Reading the course outline briefly, in order to prepare me well for my final project, I need to know my passions, drivers, and ambitions and write them all down. It's easier to answer questions properly during an interview if I know myself inside out.

Looking at myself, my dreams, and the path that I am in right now, I realize that I am apart of what my parents want me to do (my Mom implicitly want me to go med school and my Dad feels that I'd be a good architect). It also means that I have been following my heart so far.

For me, following my heart expresses two things:
- I am all alone if things go wrong
- It is an exercise for my faith, and not just mine, my family's too.

Despite all my doubts and fears, Mom and Dad have been so supportive. They pray for me, encourage me and keep ensuring me that our God is faithful. It's funny that although they don't really understand what major I am in, they believe in me that much.

Sometimes I don't feel so comfortable about their faith in me. I feel like jeopardizing our family's faith. What if I am wrong, what if I should have listened to them and go to med school instead.

Yes, we shouldn't live our life according to people's expectations. One thing is true, we won't be able to satisfy them all. Thus, it leaves me no other choice but surrendering my future and my fears in the hands of the Almighty who promises that the righteous will inherit the land forever (Psalm 37:25-29) and the Almighty who is also God of Hope.

The circle of faith in my family, shouldn't stop in me. Have faith, Raissa, make it whole! Be a people of faith and see the awesome works of God!

Happy belated Thanksgiving!

PoP

It's difficult --- not impossible.

Prince of Persia. Sands of Time.

Imperfection

Imperfection leaves room for improvement.

Aha! Gotcha!

Better a patient person than a warrior,
one with self-control than one who takes a city. (Proverbs 16:32 NIV)

Sometimes and most if the time I think I am a very patient person. I rarely get angry. But, the truth of the matter is I am just introvert. I get to explode quickly inside.

I love the autonomy of a warrior. I think, it kinda brings the "cool" side inside me out. Even if it's only a prayer warrior. I don't mind. Like in movies, in my mind, I would still look like the 3-star general who kills the enemy's king.

But today, the verse states a different truth. It asks me to be patient rather than to look "cool" because being patient is cooler than being too brave and proud in the frontline.

(last paragraph)

Being a person who takes a city isn't wrong. I think, every society needs this kind of people who are bold, self-sacrificing, and loyal. However, a sieger or a warrior is normally impulsive. They are trained to attack first before they get attacked.

The truth of the verse brings me to picture a patient warrior who analyses the enemy and steadfastly wait for a better time to attack.