Smiling Boy

I saw a smile. So pure. So innocent. So carefree.

It makes me wonder, where along the way have I lost the sincerity?

No winning or losing, no I and my ego, no regrets and tears, it was maximized fun.

The arrogance, the evil ambition, the false intention, erase them all and help me smile that smile once again.

One Saturday

It feels so good to just relax, stay at home, have an easy conversation with my closest circle of family and friends rather than run sprint all the time.

I get it why God created the Sabbath. It is for our sake definitely. Thank you, God, I feel so recharged.

The Gourami

Eid ul-Fitr festival 1435 H. Second Day.

It was two in the morning and I could not fall asleep. As I was staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, I thought about the sweet sour Gourami in the refrigerator. Oh, the tenderness of the inside and the crusty outer appearance... Hmm... But I understood it was too late to have a late supper so I hold myself back and switched my mind to having the tasty fish in the morning for breakfast.

Morning came with the mosquitoes having their fill before I did. Dad was in the dining table asking Mom for something to eat. He complained that he had to wait too long for the Chicken Lodho (Ayam Lodho) at his almost everyday breakfast stop, Bu Sri's. Starving, he asked for anything the refrig had.

Thinking about the Gourami, I rushed to the dining table, did not want Dad to have all my tasty Gourami. Mom took it out for serving. I drooled. But something not usual showed. The plate where the fish was watery! The fish was literally soaked in water. Bad! Bad! We did not know where the water came from--it must be water from the freezer.

For a while we weighed the options of saving the fish, so sad we had to let it go, lest we wanted to get sick (maybe?).

Hi everyone! It's been sometime since I pushed my fingers onto the keyboard for this blog. A lot has happened--even though I try to minimize those life events--but in a few words, I am back to my homeland, Indonesia. The over-thinking period of staying or not staying in the Netherlands is over and a decision has been made. Tulungagung is my current stop (not sure until when) and it makes me feel a lot more alive!

The Gourami story is a little reminder for me that even the tiniest plan could fail. Who are we to boast about our future?I could not even make sure that I would eat the Gourami I saved after dinner. I hope we will keep calm if things really go wrong (in our eyes), for God does have a better plan for us! I ended up eating shrimps for breakfast... Kya!

Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring. 

~ Proverbs 27:1 (NIV)

However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—

~ Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

I40

These verses are pure beauty and yet so powerful. 

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, “God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”? Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind. (Isaiah 40:27-31 MSG)

Favorites vs. Intimates

Does God, the all loving God, play favoritism? 

Does He love that preacher more than he loves you and me? 

I used to think that maybe God loves him (read: that person) more than me. I also wondered why He shows more of Himself and reveals His secret quite often to him but not to me. 

J. Oswald Sanders clears this blurred understanding of mine. His blog post lay out the fundamentals that He loves us all the same. We are not less worthy than the other. The only possible explanation why He seems to 'love' somebody more than me and you is the deep desire this somebody has for God. 

We are as close to Jesus as we choose to be, for the Son of God had no favorites. 

Recommended references

Favorites vs. Intimate (Audio Podcast)
Four Circles Of Intimacy With God (Article)

Choose love

But I don't believe it; to let her go when you really love her. I believe in loving her as much as you can, every chance you get.

~ Emergency Couple

Needy

Why did Daniel pray three times a day?
Why did the story of Daniel and friends start in the Babylon? And not in Israel?

He prayed because he knew that prayers were his strength. God is the source of his strength to get through each one third of his day.

He prayed not because he is religious. He prayed because he was in a relationship with the unlimited source of wisdom. I bet, as a minister of the most powerful country in his time, Daniel needed constant counsel in order to do the right things and make the best decisions for the country.

I imagine Daniel and God were like best friends. They could not stop messaging and put their smartphone away for a second. He wanted to make sure that God led his way.

Earlier I also wondered why the story of Daniel began in Babylon, a place for the exiled. I believe, it should start in Babylon not because it makes a more dramatic story but because it is about depending on God in the most hopeless place.

Before the invasion, Israel was already a chaotic place--unlike the time when King Salomon ruled. But at least, in Israel, Daniel was at home. He knew the culture, he had his families and friends, he was safe and secure, and he was not oppressed by anyone.

In Babylon, I cannot imagine the office politics, especially in a governmental institution where Daniel was assigned to. It must have been so dirty. Once Daniel put his guard down, he could be dead.

All these are merely my translation of Daniel's story. All I want to convey in this post is only a reminder to come to God each and every day and not only when worst things are happening in our lives. Maybe, we are now in the exile, we are far away from home, we cannot depend on the things that normally back us up, and we do not have strength to fight or any idea on how to solve the problem. Just like how Daniel needed God like he needed his vegetarian meals, do we need God that much? A possible explanation of why we do not need God that much is the likeliness that we are using our own strengths and efforts to solve it on our own. From personal experiences, it never got me out of my problems and mostly made me feel a great disappointment to myself. The only times when I felt victorious and glorious are the times when God brought me through.

      Not by might, nor by power but by my spirit, said the Lord. Zec 4:6