I have to admit that I doubted God as my sovereign God these last few days.
It started with being all alone at home. Tania was in Mexico, extending her Visa, and everyone else was busy with final exam or having a holiday. As indifferent as I could be, I still was not an island. I needed somebody around me.
People say that in a Christmas season, the best thing to do is to be with your loved ones. I completely agree. I miss my family back home. The thought of not seeing them this Christmas, New Year 2012, and Chinese New Year next year kills me inside.
Yes, I am used to live abroad and not spending Christmas at home. Once, I even liked it - that year, I had to be busy with 'serving the Lord' in Christmas celebrations. But everything is different now. I feel like a grown up. And I don't want to miss sweet moments with my Pa and Ma even though we never had Christmas tree or Christmas lights.
Facing reality of not being able to go home, I started to think what Christmas is about, again. I pondered about it almost every year. Or every other year, Pastors would remind me or give me a newer definition of Christmas. I found myself feeling nothing about Christmas. In my head, I kept sounding, "No Christmas, no Jesus, and why am I here?".
It is crazy that thoughts can go from a polar to the opposite one without having to 'physically' go anywhere. One day, I could be so on fire for God, and the next, I could lose my faith - not exactly losing it, but not trusting that much.
I needed a haircut. My hair was a mess. I dyed it last year and curled it. The dye and the curl had gone and they left my hair destroyed and shapeless. But the problem is I don't know good salons in San Diego.
I had an acquaintance. She came to Flood College in the last few weeks. She was a hairdresser. I thought, I might need to call her and ask her to help me out with my hair. However, I was not that close to her. So, I said to God, if I could meet her tonight in the 8 p.m.'s service. I would definitely ask her.
So, I went to the 8 p.m. Christmas Concert at Flood (FYI, it was the best Christmas Concert I had -- click here to see the video recording). And out of the blue, I saw my friend there. And while I was looking for a seat, she happened to have an empty chairs beside her. I sat beside her through the service. What a coincidence.
I didn't realize that I doubted God. It was just an 'if' statements that I made inside my head. I felt, I was joking. But He didn't joke around. He revealed Himself to me, in the strangest way. How cool.
A present from God this Christmas (for me and maybe for you too): little more faith.
Yes, He is real!