Thursday, October 22, 2015

Small Soft Little

I recently read Benny Hinn's "Selamat Pagi Roh Kudus". He discusses his experiences with Holy Spirit. He writes that He is real. He sees, He hears,  He feels, He thinks, and He acts. He is not less than God but He is God. Benny also reminds us to worship Him no less than the Father.

As I read through the pages, I began to understand that there were a few events in my life, Holy Spirit took control of me. He revealed Himself and prompted me to do a certain thing; to glorify God. I also began to wonder why He does not talk to me in that way that frequently these days.

Yes, it maybe is caused by the fact that I have replaced my times of singing praises and praying exclusively with plenty of book reading and knowledge expansion effort. I grow tired of playing the same songs over and spent precious minutes waiting. I turn to believing that wisdom is the key.

However as it turns out, I am starting to lose the ability to recognize His voice at all. Without dismissing the importance of wisdom, I need to learn to listen to His voice again.

I never knew how. Even though I have experienced events with Holy Spirit but I cannot differentiate His with other voices. I, now, believe that He only talks from the Scripture. Rhyme will do.

But the event this morning was an eye opener for me.

Last night I slept with a small soft little voice reminding me about the alarm. I think it was not necessary to put it on so I did not put it on for mom has asked me twice about my agenda this morning. I told her that I need to be at Kids Church in the morning. She asked twice so I thought she would remember. She always does. Except this morning.

So, as you can guess, I woke up very late to make it to Church. I felt terrible and silly. Yes, I shouldn't count on my mom to wake me up, at least not again. And yes, I should have listened to that small soft little voice.

Is it really a coincidence that it happens when I just read this book?

I believe it is a sweet reminder to end the year and to start 2016 with God. God the Father, the Son, and the Spirit.

He knows what we need--just like He knew that I needed that alarm this morning. He is for us. We should not be repulsive to Him. He is not our enemy.

Following Him requires new habits. Just like any great changes in life, they require plenty of new ways of life. Are we up and ready for those?

I pray so. We can! For He is with us.

Monday, August 24, 2015


reblog from Kaka's true, warm, insightful, Jesus-inside heart and soul blog.

In any season in our lives, there are two things God wants to do simultaneously:
1. Expand His kingdom
2. Stretch our minds

The GROWTH is in the STRETCH.

– Steven Furtick (I’m Up for It – Stretch Marks Part 1)

Thursday, August 20, 2015

No Passing On the Relay Stick

Hello World,

Two things tickle my mind today:

  1. Philippians 4:4
  2. Double edge sword

Actually the two are interrelated to make a point in this post. It happened that I needed the reminder to rejoice in the Lord always, like what is written in Philippians 4:4. I say it again, rejoice. 

When I first read that verse this morning I was quickly reminded of the people who might need the exact reminder. I did not realize that I was the one who needed it the most. 

In this generation, we grow accustomed to share all the thought-provoking, sweet, heart-felt information and motivational quotes we encounter along the day. We saw it on Path or Instagram. It was funny. It was moving. It was mind-changing. It was motivational. So we touch the share button. Share via Line. Share to group. Share to Whatsapp contact. We hope that the ones who read will get entertained, be reminded, or even change his ways. 

But do we first change our ways when the reminders come to us? Or do we just take it as an relay stick and pass it quickly to the next person? 

Yes there is an overload of information in this generation but can it also mean that God is speaking louder to us? Have we found time to actually stop and think that it is for me? I should definitely keep this letter. I should definitely save it into my core memories. I should begin to do what the message tells me to do. 

Anyway, my friends need to rejoice but more than them, I need to rejoice to. I need to choose joy. Sadness is important (watch Inside Out from Pixar). We should embrace sadness. But should we dwell in sadness all the time? No. Joy should also come in and make good memories together. 

When we can't shake sadness off (well, she is there for a purpose), will we still choose to rejoice? To have joy again? To search for joy again? 

I want to Re-Joy. 

Monday, August 10, 2015

Resist the resistance

Mrs. Tin, a good friend of my mom, remarks Christian life as easy to be understood but difficult to implement. She adds, "We know everything we need to know to be a follower of Christ. But why does this body keep refusing to do the right thing? We know we need to rejoice, we know we need to forgive, we know we need not to worry and fear, but we keep doing it anyway."

I have never really thought about it and what it really means. I presume that applying what we know is pretty easy as long as we have the desire to do it. But as this week goes by, I began to agree with her remarks.

This week started with a pretty strong message about winning life's battles. The locations of the hidden bombs have been identified too. The locations are summarized in the acronym HALT.

H - Hungry
A - Angry
L - Lonely
T - Tired

These are the red zones. The zones where the devils have set their shooters on. The zones where we should watch out. The zones where we really should open our eyes wide.

To avoid being hungry spiritually and physically, of course, we need to eat. And as we become angry, we should not let our anger stay for too long. Sunset means new clean slate, forgiveness. Surrounding ourselves with good company also avoids us from being lonely. And as for tiredness, we can try to live healthily by exercising and having enough sleep.

See, it was a good start of the week, right? A simple yet very practical message. But then I still am finding it hard to do all that. I sleep enough but have no spirit to work. I eat more than I used to but I have no energy.

It feels like every time we are trying to change our bad habits into good habits, there is always bigger resistance. Well in Physics it is natural. The greater the force exerted to move an object, the greater the force resisting the object to be moved. So, I conclude that this is us moving in the right direction. If there is a force trying to stop us to move forward, it is only natural. It is not natural if we gave up while we are just staring to move.

We need to keep trying even if we fail the first, second, seventh and eighth times.

Feeling lazy again? Useless again? Worthless again? Guilty again? Not in the mood again? It is natural! But do not stay there, keep forcing ourselves until we become purposeful, free from the devil's shackles, children of God.

Yes, it is difficult to form a new good habit, but people say it is well-worth it. Don't give up yet, brothers, don't.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Undeserved Grace

The concept of grace is often confusing.

Grace is given not earned.

It is given freely despite of who we are, what we have done, where we have been, or how we have lived.

Grace is the expression of the Father of the prodigal son. He hurt the Father. He left the Father. He disowned the Father. He was selfish, greedy, shortsighted about life but the Father accepted him back. He got his status back; from a homeless, pathetic nobody to the son. An heir of the Father's heritage.

I have been the prodigal. Maybe you have too. We do not deserve grace. We do not deserve acceptance. We do not deserve a good life. But still, the Father wants to give us all that.

Jesus died for our sins and he freely gives us a new life. For some, overwhelmed with Jesus' love, come to accept this grace and walk towards living the life of a Son. For others, we find it hard to accept this gift at all.

The guilt, the shame, the unworthy feeling keep haunting. Who am I? What is the deal with me? Why am I so lucky? are some questions that stuck in our mind. We could not believe that this is happening. Someone wanted to give us a new life. What have I done to deserve all that? I did not do anything.

Grace found us but we refuse to accept. We know that there is new life out there; a better life, a nice one, but we simple cannot get our head into the concept of free gift. We believe that it should be earned with hard work, right living, and pure virtues so we strive to do all the right things.

Then we find it hard to do all that. To be right and pure. To be Jesus' son. It is freaking difficult. So much rules, so much details, so much to ask. In no time, we realize that we are not moving anywhere.

Grace is the key. As we accept the new life that Christ has prepared for us, we accept his power to change us and enable us to do his detailed commands. Without his power, we do not deserve anything of the Kingdom. We would still have the mentality of the swine keeper, and the greed, and the selfish spirit.

You deserve the grace of God. So come. As shameful as you could be, come and receive the gift. Why hesitate? Jesus wants to hug you, shower you with love, and give you your old status back: the Father's son.

Take the first step. Think of the good things you could have had at home. Think of warm meal, shelter, sweet company and music. Think of going back to the Father. Go. Go back. Don't be stone-headed. Say sorry. Ask for second chance. His grace would stay.

Not by your might, not by your power, but by the Spirit of God.


I was lost,
I was desperate and broken.
That's how you found me.

Sing Redemption's Song - Israel Houghton

Saturday, August 8, 2015

All ear and stay

I have the habit of filtering what I listen. If I do not like what I am going to listen I will try as much as possible to leave the conversation. I know those talking to me have my best interest in their mind but I just cannot bear the attacks.

I tend to not listen to people when I do not feel like being scolded. I have always related listening to being scolded since I was small. I blame my Dad for this. Too bad, now I have grown but I still carry that kind of defense mechanism.

Impatience develops strong in me. I do not enjoy talking to people as much as the people people. I become task-oriented. I cut conversations to their main points. I sometimes feel it is a waste of time to wait upon somebody who talks round and round.

I want quick and prompt answers. I want it instantly. But Jesus has asked to wait upon the Lord. Underline the word wait.

In high school, about 10 years ago, I liked waiting upon the Lord. I liked staying in his presence, spending time with him in songs and hymns. I did it at first out of textbook. Mom told me to do that, so I did. As if to catch a big fish, I diligently waited upon the Lord, every morning. Even if I disturbed my neighbor with my clunky piano pieces I did not mind.

My university life was different. The first few years, the habit of staying in his presence was still there. It was when I started moving from a country to another, I began to change it with the habit of studying his words. Not diminishing the importance of studying the word, but I began to replace my lone time with God with a lone time with the word. Yes, God also lives in the word, but my point is that I thought it would be sufficient to do it this way, since things changed.

At those nomad time, I did not have my musical instrument. The one thing that I used to serenade my entry to his presence. So, instead of looking for other ways, I got directly to studying scriptures.

Yes, I did got a lot of truth and rhema from the words. But I began to take the Bible as a fast-food meal. I go to the bible app just looking the answers that I need. If I do not get any then I let it, since it is fast food anyway. How satisfied could I be with a fast food meal, now that I realize it.

This morning, after all the things that happened these past few weeks, I attempted to get back to my old habit of praise and worship. I allocated time and place; far from the reach of smartphones and outside world, I tried to be still in his presence. And as you could guess, it was hard!

Jesus was definitely happy I tried to make time for him. But my mind and body just did not want to stay. I did not want to give it more time and be patient about it. All I wanted is to go back to sleeping and doing all the things that I used to use to do.

And this is why I want to write this post. Listening to my parents or relatives wears me out. Yes, sometimes they are really difficult to listen to. But don't put Jesus in the same place as your parents. Jesus is different. He should be. My parents have limited knowledge of what is going on in life, but Jesus does not. He knows everything, he has something good to say to me. But why do I treat him like the way I treat my parents? Why do I avoid the conversation all together? Why do I shut my ears when he starts to talk?

Please do not be like me. I do not want to stay this way either. He pointed right away this morning, if I were going to come back to his presence, I should be all-ears. I should be patient. I should not be addicted to the world. And since the obstacles is set quite high since the start of this attempt of going back to the presence, I suppose this is the right way of living. Everything right is always hard to do.

Help me God. I do want to come back to your presence.

Sunday, July 12, 2015


Today is our last Sundate before he'd be my fiance next month.

Our Sundate always ends in a train station. He takes a train to Solo and I stay here in Tulungagung.

But the train was delayed today. We waited for almost an hour and I was not allowed to get into the waiting room. So we talked with the divider in between us.

Not knowing when the train will come, he got hungry. So I offered to buy him a packed meal. Tahu telor.

I went to the closest food stall in front of the train station and found that it was not too crowded. I ordered one and was going to buy another one for my mom. I called her but she said she did not feel like eating. So I sticked to buy one.

The lady was just starting to do my order when he called. He said the train is arriving in no time. I said wait for me a little longer. Almost done.

So the lady made it quick and I felt that I need to run. So I ran.

When I got to the train station, he was not in the waiting room anymore. I could not get to the platform, so I could not make that scene from the famous Bollywood movies.

So I asked the ticket officer, whom we happened to have conversation with in the hour the train got delayed to pass the meal to him.

The siren was rang. The engine was started. The train was going to move soon. I had to call him to take the meal from the officer. The officer was confused, not knowing in which train he sat, but was eager to help.

He got to the train door and thankfully just before the train left, the officer found him and delivered the meal.

I thought to myself if only I didn't run to the train station. I would not make it.

It was also my first run since forever.

I rarely run. But sometimes we do need to run.

When God prompts us to run, we should run. When God prompts us to stay, we should stay.

And as we obey him, he will deliver. Like he did with my meal.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Blind Man's Friend

The devotion surely speaks to me today. I am blind but He will guide me til the end.

"Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory." Psalm 73:24.

The Psalmist felt his need of divine guidance. He had just been discovering the foolishness of his own heart, and lest he should be constantly led astray by it, he resolved that God's counsel should henceforth guide him. A sense of our own folly is a great step towards being wise, when it leads us to rely on the wisdom of the Lord. The blind man leans on his friend's arm and reaches home in safety, and so would we give ourselves up implicitly to divine guidance, nothing doubting; assured that though we cannot see, it is always safe to trust the all-seeing God. "Thought shalt," is a blessed expression of confidence. He was sure that the Lord would not decline the condescending task. There is a word for thee, O believer; rest thou in it. Be assured that thy God will be thy counsellor and friend; he shall guide thee; he will direct all thy ways. In his written Word thou hast this assurance in part fulfilled, for holy Scripture is his counsel to thee. Happy are we to have God's Word always to guide us! What were the mariner without his compass? And what were the Christian without the Bible? This is the unerring chart, the map in which every shoal is described, and all the channels from the quicksands of destruction to the haven of salvation mapped and marked by one who knows all the way. Blessed be thou, O God, that we may trust thee to guide us now, and guide us even to the end! After this guidance through life, the Psalmist anticipates a divine reception at last--"and afterward receive me to glory." What a thought for thee, believer! God himself will receive thee to glory--thee! Wandering, erring, straying, yet he will bring thee safe at last to glory! This is thy portion; live on it this day, and if perplexities should surround thee, go in the strength of this text straight to the throne.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Top of the World

Tulungagung, March 5, 2015

Dear Readers,

A few years ago my top of the world meant living in big and metropolitan cities; and yes, I have lived in some of those wonderful places.

But now, living where God wants me to be is my top of the world. And...

I am living there now.
On top of the world.

Hope you know and if you haven't, you find the place where God wants you to be. And there could never be a better place in the world to stay,  except there.


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Do listen!

Yesterday I wrote a post about time. Our time should be offered to God, as if we work for God. We do not want to waste our employer's time, don't we?

Today an event happened and it was still in the theme of working for God.

The story started when I ask an employee to do a specific task specifically for me. I clearly told her to do such and such. I laid out the details and stretched on one important thing.

At the time she finished with the task, she came back to me and gave me her work. But it did not come the way I asked her too. Everything is correct except the one thing that I stretched for.

Did not she hear me right?

I was furious. I thought it was such an easy task. I thought even though I did not lay out the instructions, it was logic to not do that one thing. But it was done anyway.

Thankfully the damage was not that bad, but I had to spend more time fixing it. And while I was fixing it I thought about God.

He must have those moments too. Moments when He wants to be furious at us. He clearly laid out the instructions in the Book, but either we are too stupid to not follow them or too ignorant about those guidance, He is very patient towards us.

Maybe just like me who expects my employees to work excellently and listen to instructions, maybe God wants us to be excellent, careful, and focus too.

Have a great Wednesday, friends! Work hard, play harder, love hardest.

Not Mine

This morning I was reminded that my time is God's. 

Time spent recklessly is a theft. 

We do everything for God. We are workers in God's business. In other words, we are His employees. If we laze around and procrastinate, how would our Boss think of us? 

I want my Boss to think that I am a good servant; not just pretending to be a good servant but to actually be one. 

The difficulties for me lie in my OCD-like disease. I want everything to be in place before I enter the room. If I cannot see how the the day will turn out, I really do not want to be in that event. Or if in my mind, I see that something unpleasant would happen to me, I will avoid that with all my might. 

I am spoiled, aren't I? 

I am. I avoid unpleasant things and choose the easy ways. 

It used to work for me; choosing easy answers. At school I would try to answer the easy questions first and leave the harder one for the last minutes. Having the easy questions right had given pretty good outcome but it does not seem to apply for my situation today.

I had answered all the easy questions and it seems that I am left with all the difficult ones and there is no time-limit to this test. It is over when I am done working on those difficult ones. But it is so hard and I just want to submit me the paper as it is. 

(Sigh). I know I must persevere. Even though it takes me one word a day to write the answer, I will answer these (d**ned) questions. 

Teach me to number my days, Lord, so I'd be wise. 

Friday, January 30, 2015

Things Unseen

I have been seeing some miracles this past week.

The first one was in Crown Victoria Hotel, parking area. I was parking my car. I put the gear on reverse and looked on my right rear view mirror. There I slowly moved to the perfect parking position. Too confident, I did not look at my left rear view mirror nor did I turn my head back. Done parking, now I look through my left rear view mirror. There was a black electrical pole, 15 cm in diameter, very tall, not too far from the back of my car. If I did my parking just slightly to the left side, I would have hit that pole and made a good dent on my car.

The second one was WTC Surabaya, in a parking area too. I was going to buy a case for my new, satisfied purchase, Samsung Galaxy Note 4. But I didn't really know the where the entrance to the building was. So I parked my car in the building next to the WTC building. I had to walk quite a distance to that parking building. There I browsed through what I looked for, but could not find the one that captured my heart. But looking out of the windows, the sky was so dark like the sky was going to fall. I hurriedly did my visits to the stores that I wanted to check on, and found nothng. So I rushed out and tried to get back to my car as fast I could. The sky had almost fallen. Haha. Anyway, I got back right on time before the very heavy, unstoppable rain and wind come.

I personally believe that those are miracles. With all my limitation; not looking at both mirrors, not bringing un umbrella, God had hindered me from accidents. There was a preacher who said, "That's the exact reason why you should be thankful at all times. The countless blessings are from the ones that you do not see. The ones that God has protected you from. Not only the ones that you really feel and comprehend with your mind."

God has done such great things and small little things to keep us safe and sound. He makes dozens of angels serve us and protect us from evil.

Thursday, January 22, 2015


Tax collectors in Jesus' time had been known as heartless, wicked, selfish, and cruel. Not only they took more tax than the amount they should receive, but they did it forcefully. They are rich, freakingly wealthy.

Despite all the money he could or could not spend (for it was too many), Zacchaeus found something was missing. He was not satisfied with his life. He yearned for more. That was why when he heard about Jesus coming to his town, he was pretty pumped with curiousity. Maybe deep down, he knew that Jesus is the one that he's been waiting for who was able to fill in the bleeding hole in his heart.

Being shorter than the rest of the people who crowded around Jesus, Zacchaeus had a purposeful heart. He was determined to see Jesus. He did not back away after seeing the crowd. He stressed his mind and looked for away to call for Jesus' attention. He spotted where Jesus was going, ran passed the crowd, and climbed a tree on Jesus' way. He hoped that when Jesus passed by, Jesus would see him on that tree and he could see Jesus face to face. What a brilliant mind. 

Jesus finally saw Zaccheaus and changed Zacchaeus life for the better. Zacchaeus found something more meaningful than money, gold, power, and wealth. He found Jesus. His life felt complete. 

There are so much that I, maybe we, could learn from Zacchaeus. The longing of his heart for something meaningful. The curiousity about a man who -rumour has it- has healed people and given people new life. The drive, the wit, the passion to get to that man who he hoped would cure the pain in his heart. The humbling act of running; he was a top-rank officer, running was something that only low-rank soldiers would do. Lastly, the child-like behaviour, which call for attention. Clinbing the tree, it is almost like a kid shouting to his parents, "I am here, I am here. Look at me, Mom. Look at me, Daddy!". 

Have we had a heart that is calling for Jesus attention? Have we had a heart that does not give up doing stupid things until He notices us? 

Jesus seems to like that kind of actions. They look childish, yes, but didn't He say to have faith like little kids? 

For me personally, this truth reminds me of how fun it could be to seek Jesus face. I have been putting this relationship with Jesus as something casual, old friends. I know Him and He knows me, but I did not try something new to rekindle this relationship. I don't try to get His attention as much I used to when we were still new friends. I remember those silly moments when I just could not keep my hands off the phone when I had a new best friend. I just wanted to talk to her about everything, know everything she does, watches, and eats. I searched for reasons to play longer with her and spend so much time together. 

Really, it was fun, right? Why can't it be fun now? 

Well, we can! We just have to do it all over again. 


Bertobat itu bukan cuman pergi berobat, tapi ngga mau minum obat.